Mr. and Mrs. Billy

The happy Billys

My name’s Mr. Billy and this is my wife, Mrs. Billy. In our house, I am king. Outside the home, my wife thinks she is queen, but I am also king. We have four children — all boys of course — aged eight, six and two-year-old twins. The king does not want any girls. In our household, the hierarchy is as follows: the king and his four sons. Next, my horse, then dogs and cat. Then, rats and cockroaches. Mrs. Billy is at the bottom of the totem pole. She always tries to spend all my money so when we get home I crush her.

Enough of that nonsense. That was the embellished spiel Chelsea and I gave the locals in Hoi An over and over again. It gets tiresome because they ask you the same questions all the time…over and over over and over again…

So we decided to have some fun with them. Chelsea even played along. The women  in rice hats approach you on the beach too. They have their spiel down too. One broken record  wouldn’t leave us alone for ten minutes, she repeated this about a dozen times before we finally succeeded in shooing her off: “You so beautiful and he so handsome! You number one! Don’t be lazy, be crazy. I’m sorry, you buy from me. Hahaaha. Happy hour right now. Full moon lucky. Very lucky today. You buy from me I give you cheap price. You very nice. You so beautiful and he so handsome….”

And over and over and over….The record wouldn’t stop playing. All the other opportunistic entrepreneurs peddle a close rendition of the above sales pitch.

Full moon lanterns

A Buddhist float in the festival.

Our last night in Hoi An happened to be a full moon, which meant the town held a full moon festival. People took to the streets and their motorbikes following the neon-glowing Buddhist floats. Along the river tourists drank beer and locals sold them candles wrapped in paper to have as their own little lanterns. The atmosphere was magical.

Chelsea and her pedicurist.

"That was the most interesting and worst pedicure I've ever had."

Earlier that evening, Chelsea and I met Phong, a 19-year-old Vietnamese girl who spoke good English in the Central Market. After a business transaction, Phong told us about her friend who gave pedicures and manicures. Chelsea was immediately whisked away with the too-good-to-be-true promise of a $1 pedicure in 15 minutes. Turns out it was too-to-be-true, but albeit, rather fascinating, or at least entertaining from my standpoint.

Miss Dao took Chelsea into the bowels of the market to a room that looked like it also served as a family’s bedroom. She was propped up on a bed and Dao went to work on her toes, then her fingers…then her eyebrows, which she used string to pluck. Miss Dao would have kept going (and racking up the tab) all night long but we cut her off after about 45 minutes and VND90,000 (about $4.50). Okay, so maybe it wasn’t the best nail treatment or even good. But it was a pedicure and manicure Chelsea is sure to remember. I’ll just leave it at that.

Upon bidding farewell, Phong notified me she “didn’t want to see me again” but wanted to see my youngest brother. I’d told her about my younger brothers and she was particularly interested in the youngest, whom I said looked a lot like me. You hear that Chuck!? Phong is waiting for you in Hoi An in the Central Market. She sells jewelry.

I Ching (Yi Jing) coins in the Hoi An Central Market.

We spent the entirety of the next day lazing on the beach. It was tough to leave and we cherished every dip in the ocean pondering when we’d reach the sea again. After some final banh mi op las  (sandwiches with eggs) and final scarf purchases were back in a taxi to Danang for the airport.

Saigon felt extra sweaty and chaotic upon our return. Chelsea departed last night and I still feel as if I’m in vacation mode. Fortunately, bidding adieu wasn’t too difficult as we’ll get to meet again in just a few short weeks :))

13 more days….Yikes!

Paradise

Late night game of Chinese Checkers.

Phong

Full Moon Festival boat ride

Phai

Take to the floor

Rolling around on a mat with another sweaty guy...not likely to become a new hobby of mine.

A couple stories I’ve written for The Word have belatedly been put online. Have a gander at Take to the Floor.

It’s plenty of fun to watch Ultimate Fighting from the comfort of your sofa, but it’s a different matter when it is you who is doing the grappling. Nathaniel Liedl hits the mat. Photos by Quinn Ryan Mattingly.

Just getting abused (me not him).

It looks like I know what I'm doing (?...maybe). I don't.

Here’s “Boys and Their Bikes.”

What is it with men and their love for big, shiny metal things on wheels? Words by Nathaniel Liedl. Photos by Khoa Tran.

Johhny Tri Nguyen, a stunt double for Spiderman and others, on his Ducati.

Superstar on a Superbike

Johnny Tri Nguyen is used to performing stunts in films and now he’s taking it to real life as he rides his speedy Ducati Monster around the streets of Ho Chi Minh City.

Hoi An by Night Part II

Temple by day, sandal shop by night

Colorful souvenirs

Lots of pretty things to buy

Just another Old Quarter shot.

Chelsea and friend at the tailors

Dinner, Tuesday night

Street view

We find some adventure

My Son ruins

Chelsea arrived about 11 p.m. on Wednesday night. Amidst the hoards of Asians, I stood out a bit and she spotted me right away. Introduced her to Vietnam by getting into one of my typical spats with a cab driver then took her by motorbike into the backpacker district. Here I must note the complete inaccuracy of my prior assumption that Chelsea would freak on the back of a bike. Apparently, she’s a badass biking veteran. No screams. No shouts. Nothing. We had a couple beers on the street, some fried spring rolls and of course, a bowl of pho before heading to bed around 4 a.m.

Over 1,000 year-old remains

Chelsea discovered what jet lag is the next day. She was utterly exhausted and spent most of the day acclimating via sleeping. Which was all right because I had errands to run and a party to prepare for. Luke and I were determined to acquire a beer pong table which required us going to “wood street” in Chinatown for an adequate board of lumber. After a couple stops we found a suitable piece for about $5. It was a bit heavy — and long — for us to manage on a bike, even though we’re perfectly symmetric gazelle people. But hey, Vietnamese people carry anything and everything on their bikes, surely we can manage this one-time only…

I drove while Luke literally shouldered the massive board’s bulk. We had to frequently stop and then I took over shouldering duties. As  we crawled off I brought the board down and it slammed down on Luke’s head and then blocked his version so he was driving blind for a few seconds. I overcompensated, bringing the board back up and then a gust of wind nearly sent me and the wood hunk sailing off the bike. We were both laughing so hard we had to pull over — several times. This scene repeated itself the entire way back and we were crying with laughter as we victoriously hoisted the beer pong table into our living room.

Chelsea looks like an ant among those ruins.

The party ensued that evening and we had some wild karaoke. By Friday at noon, Chelsea was adjusted to Vietnam time and it was time to show her around. We met up with Abigail and went for lunch behind a mosque. Showed Chelsea around some of the city’s main tourist attractions before hunkering down in a coffee shop to escape the afternoon’s stifling heat. Did some shopping before heading out to a wonderful sushi dinner.

The next morning we were off to Vietnam’s central coast. Kind of.

This looks old.

Upon arrival at the airport we were notified our flight had been delayed an hour. Then it became two hours and unsurprisingly three. The shocking thing was it wasn’t any longer. After a one-hour flight we arrived in Danang at 2:30 and after a cab ride to Hoi An had ourselves a room in a quaint guest house with a pool, breakfast and bicycles included and air con for $20 a night. We set out to explore the town, wandering into pagoda after pagoda and into Hoi An’s historic old quarter. Bought some street food and had Chelsea sample  Vietnamese sandwich (banh mi) and steamed dumpling (bahn bao) though she passed on the quail egg inside (hehe). I thoroughly horrified Chelsea by eating a duck fetus on the street.

We moseyed past a myriad of buildings weathered by the years and baked by the sun. By day their cracked, faded walls appear as if they’re barely standing the test of time. They’re truly living history, hence their status as a UNESCO World Heritage site. By night, their numerous, multi-colored lanterns draw you nearer with their alluring mystique. They simply ooze character.

Pink Supergirl!!!!

Saturday night we stuffed our faces at an Indian restaurant. When we arrived, the city’s power was still out and we were left to sweat it out by candlelight. Then the fans came on and a small cheer could be heard throughout Hoi An. Had an early night.

The following morning we set off for the beach on bicycles from our hotel. The sand was scorching but the water clear and inviting. We both felt constant pricks we attributed to jellyfish which we didn’t actually see. Fifteen minutes in sunbathing on the sand demanded a quick refresher in the sea.

We met this lady along the way.

After a nice sleep-in on Monday morning, we rented a motorbike and set out for the countryside, specifically to My Son, 55 kilometers from Hoi An in the jungle. According to Lonely Planet, the My Son ruins are “the most important remains of the ancient kingdom of Champa…Although Vietnam has better preserved Cham sites, non are as extensive and few have such beautiful surroundings.” Indeed, 1,000-plus year-old temples set amid the jungle with undulating, lush verdant hills as a backdrop enhanced the temples enigmatic charm.

“During the American War this region was completely devastated and depopulated in extended bitter fighting. Finding it to be a convenient staging ground, the VC used My Son as a base; in response the Americans bombed the monuments. Traces of 68 structures have been found, of which 25 survived repeated pillaging in previous centuries by the Chinese, Khmer and Vietnamese. The American bombing failed to destroy about 20 of these, although some sustained extensive damage. Today, Vietnamese authorities are attempting to restore as much as possible of the remaining sites,” says Lonely Planet.

Vestiges of a once dominant civilization.

We spent two hours roaming the temple grounds under an ever darkening sky. Though it threatened rain during our entire stay, it held off until we reached cover. Then it came down like an old-fashioned monsoon. After finally letting up (a bit), we took off on the bike and it continued coming down. I didn’t slow down on the way back. I was actually cold (for about the fifth time in Vietnam) which brought Chelsea a sadistic pleasure considering the minimal sympathy I’d shown while she struggled with the heat. By the time we returned, my hands were complete prunes and I couldn’t make a fist. Fell asleep almost immediately.

Had some excellent — and cheap — Vietnamese food for dinner. Sauteed eggplant, “white rose” (steamed dumplings), cao lau (thick noodles with salad and meat) and bun thit nuong (rice noodles with grilled pork). Chelsea has stuck with her two favorites — ca phe sua da (iced coffee) and plain rice with soy sauce — for a lot of meals, but I’ve got to hand it to her, she’s tried quite a few dishes too.

Off to bed now, another day of beach and shopping tomorrow :))

Apocalyptic sky over Cat's Tooth Mountain at My Son

Supergirl and supersweatyscrub

Hoi An at night

City of Chinese lanterns

Old town

Hoi An bridge

Chelsea and some "white rose" -- a local dumpling/wanton speciality

Chinese silk lanterns

Chelsea and I take on Hoi An

Hoi An's Old Town

Chelsea pretends to drink nuoc mia -- sugar cane juice.

New friend

On the streets in Hoi An.

Duck fetus

Dog at the entrance of the Japanese Bridge.

Twins fans all around the world!

‘These Vagabond Shoes’

Happy people 🙂

I just returned from the dentist. It was hardly the proverbial “trip to the dentist” but rather a nice stroll in the park, to borrow another tired cliche.

First, the “O’Care” Dentist’s Office made me remove my sandals and don some of their plastic sandals which fit my toes and little more. I pranced upstairs to the soothing croon of Michael Bolton and stretched out in the chair. They gave me sunglasses to combat the light’s blare. I opened up for the doc and he tells me, after a ten second inspection: “You have good oral hygiene. No cavities.” Hey, thanks man! Normally, they keep you sweatin’ it out the entire cleaning and make you wait until the end for that prognosis. He was pretty baffled I’d never had orthopedic work done. The Vietnamese do not have good teeth. That oh-so-dreaded song which will not be named from a certain movie about a ship sinking that the Vietnamese will “never let go” was playing as I departed. My day will go on.

Four weeks left. I’ll be in San Francisco in 28 days. Can’t even fathom it. Too excited for the rest of my time here yet. My long, long, long-time friend Chelsea arrives on Wednesday night. She arrives around midnight. She’s never been outside the U.S. before. She’s in for a real surprise. I plan on giving it to her Thursday morning on my motorbike by driving in a few opposite lanes, sidewalks and then taking her out during rush hour traffic.

“Ahhhhhh, Nathaniel, ohmygod [Excited and terrified laughter]. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!””

That’s how she’s going to sound.

A week from today we head to the country’s central coast. Flying into Da Nang, we’ll spend six nights split between beautiful, cultural Hoi An and the old capital, Hue. I’ve got a lot planned in attempt to make her visit as overwhelming as possible. Okay, so I’m kind of joking. I won’t have to do much. Vietnam will do the overwhelming for me.

My time at The Word comes to a close shortly. This weekend I’ll finish up a charity article and then I have just one more article to write before I’m completely done. I’ll have been involved with an entire year of issues after this month. Not only has my time at the mag been a way to continue writing, it’s been an invaluable means of trying new things (sometimes involuntarily so) and meeting new people. My lifelong goal is still to find a way to get paid to travel. Teaching and writing abroad is a big step, but I’m still not there.

Future archaeologist or exotic bird scientist Mr. Sang Beom Lee

Next Tuesday may be my last with my Korean family. Chelsea arrives and then the family heads to China for a visit, where they lived for about four years before coming to Vietnam. It has been a nice change from standing in front of a class, plus I’ve learned a lot about Korean culture and get paid to search Google images of exotic animals and dinosaurs and then talk about it. Last week, my “Korean mother” made me a potato salad sandwich. Not very authentic Korean cuisine but still new.

I held two meetings this week for H2H — Ride for Vietnamese Children and this year’s bike ride. Both were well attended and we are far ahead of where we were at this point last year, as we should be. Twelve riders have bikes already. Training rides continue and will increase to twice weekly beginning on Tuesday. Almost undoubtedly we will soon face a good dilemma of having too many riders for one group. H2H is growing faster than we anticipated. We’ve agreed that 15 riders is the maximum for one group for two reasons: 1) there’s only so much room in the van; 2) there’s only so much hotel/guest house space in small towns. Therefore, if (or rather, once) we reach 16 riders we will split into two groups and depart Hanoi a day apart from each other. This does however present the unfortunate conundrum of the entire group not riding together and everyone not getting to know each other as well as we’d like. The camaraderie was what made last year’s ride so special. But we’ve already mulled some remedies, such as shaking up the groups a third and two-thirds through (we will overlap during the rest days) and having the first team wait up on the final day so we can triumphantly storm Ho Chi Minh’s Reunification Palace as one cohesive juggernaut!

But first a big step back…and a deep breath. I’ve already put such thought into all this because I’ve decided I’m returning to Vietnam in mid-late September. I’d previously said I wouldn’t make a decision about coming back here until I was home for awhile. And though my mind is 99 percent made up, I will wait until I’m home to purchase a return flight to ‘Nam.

Until recently, my vagabond shoes longed to stray elsewhere: New Zealand, South America or Europe. But as I’ve grown closer to leaving here, the more I’ve realized how much I will miss it. Furthermore, this is a pivotal year for H2H’s success in the long-term and I want to see it through. But above all, I’ve met someone special. Of course, it comes just as I depart, but to steal another one of Frank’s lines, “That’s Life.”

About a month ago I started spending time with a girl I teach with from Frank’s “kind of town”, a fellow UW-grad I’d had a crush on the first time I laid eyes on her at the beginning of February. Yeah, it’s a big step since we’ve only known each other a few weeks. But when you know, you just know. To spare you any more of this mushiness, it’ll suffice to say I’ve never been happier. Of course, I’m thrilled to be returning home this summer, but my mind (and heart, hehe) may be back in Vietnam.

Chet and Abigail (and just to clarify: I had just jumped out of a pool so I was wet though my incessant perspiration is probably somewhat to blame for this sweaty embrace. What I can say, it's hot here in the jungle.

Visit from old, newly-married friends

The happy couple -- much of our time together was spent exactly like this, staring at cards and drinking beer.

I met Andy and Kelly at the airport on Wednesday night. Sure enough, it took us about 20 minutes to find a decent cab as people kept swooping in and poaching the good ones from us at the last minute. It was an unfortunate and frustrating beginning to my next few days as a tour guide. Andy’s stomach wasn’t feeling right so we called it an early night. Not a very auspicious start to their Vietnamese excursion.

Andy takes an important phone call in the "situation room" of the Reunification Palace and is unable to control his temper.

Everything went amazing from there. On Thursday morning Andy and Kelly showed up to meet my class. Before their arrival, I’d had my class spend five minutes brainstorming questions they’d ask foreigners. Then…Boom, I produced two foreigners. Good practice for my class as well as an interesting way for visitors to interact with some locals.

Don't do it Kelly! Not the red button! Oh, it only says "reset."

Spent the rest of Thursday showing them around the obligatory tourist sites: the backpacker area, Ben Thanh market, the parks, Reunification Palace, opera house, People’s Committee building and downtown. Lots to see. They took it very well and if they were overwhelmed, hid it very well. We didn’t even come close to getting mowed down by motorbikes!

Chinatown pagoda

Friday we laid low at the flashy Windsor Hotel. The rooftop 25th floor pool provided the best panorama I’ve seen of the city thus far (unfortunately I didn’t have my camera). We took advantage of the hotel’s complimentary happy hour and then joined in the revelry at the second annual Beerfest which just happened to be at the Windsor. All the beer and food you can put down for about $20 (even less since Andy and Kelly were hotel guests). Some Vietnamese beer, some local beer, Beer Lao, German and even Russian beer. Ran into plenty of expat friends there and had ourselves quite a time.

Somehow beans and gelatinous globs go together.

The following day we ventured to the War Remnants museum. Andy and Kelly got their first motorbike experience with Kelly on the back of mine and Andy on a xe om. I made sure to drive in the wrong lane against traffic a couple times to provide the full Vietnamese experience. After another trip downtown and then to some pagodas in District 5’s Chinatown. After that we drank beer and played Hearts and Rummy into the night…what else (we all went to Madison after all)!?

Pho shizzle

Before we parted ways, we sucked down a final bowl of pho for one last sweat, completely three days of almost non-stop perspiration. Saying goodbye would have been much more difficult but I’ll be seeing Kelly and Andy upon by return to the states and staying with them in San Fran.

One month to go. Eeeeeek!

Independence

2010 Propaganda

Friday marked the 35th anniversary of Vietnam’s “reunification,” April 30, 1975, an iconic day in the country’s history. The streets were quiet as many businesses were closed. ILA was closed the last two days. Our school had a pool party which teachers and teaching assistants attended. My roommate and I easily took the water balloon throwing competition. My partner, Dee, and I lost the chicken fighting competition in the championship. I carried her, of course, and I can hardly move my neck today as a result. Even got to toss around a football, an American football. No big deal it seems, but it was the first time I’ve touched a real football — not the fake soccer kind — for at least a year-and-a-half. Oh, the things I’ve been deprived of.

29.4.2010, Downtown

9pm, traffic

The dove of reunification

I continue to tutor my Korean students. Mom in the morning, kids at night. There seems to be a positive correlation between the longer I tutor them and the more food they give me. It began with tea and honey dew melon. I’m up to tea, roti, kimchi and rice now. Sang Beom and I spent a full hour discussing sea animals particularly anemones and urchins last week. Hyuong Juong filled me in on Korean history and the Japanese occupation during the first half of the 20th Century. A very sweet family.

Sang Beom

I’m currently at school lounging in the teacher’s room while all the other teachers are in class, but I’m still getting paid. I’m here just in case anyone calls in sick last minute. I’ve been following this epic Twins game for the last three hours. Can Jesse Crain get us out of this latest jam!?

I’m down to 41 days…